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Chapter TwentyFour Kit was just drifting off to sleep when motion near her bed startled her. She sat up quickly, causing her head to spin. "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," said the pink-clothed blur that swam before her eyes. Kit put a hand to her head, trying to steady herself, and could dimly make out Aeris bending down to look at her. "Are you all right? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm just tired," Kit lied. Maybe if she got some sleep, she'd feel better by morning.
It had been a rather awful day. During the time it took them to make their way to North Corel, Kit had nearly driven herself out of her mind trying to figure out what she could do for Sephiroth, but she could think of nothing. It didn't help that the further they went, the more intent Cloud became on destroying him. Even simply saying Sephiroth's name seemed to make his mood darken into smoldering hatred.
Finally, they'd arrived at the Gold Saucer, and Dio had agreed to let Cloud have the Keystone as long as Cloud put on a good show for him in the Battle Square. Luckily, he seemed to have forgotten the good show that Kit, Tifa, Yuffie, and Red had put on in the Battle Square a few weeks ago.
With the Keystone safely in Cloud's hands, Kit felt a little less anxious about Sephiroth. As long as Cloud had it, Sephiroth wouldn't, and she had time to break away and find him. In fact, she would have left AVALANCHE that same night, except that when they went back to the Ropeway station, they found it was out of order and wouldn't be fixed until the next day. Cait Sith, being an employee of the Gold Saucer, managed to get them free rooms at the Ghost Hotel, but that did nothing to ease Kit's impatience.
The others took the opportunity to spend some time discussing what exactly they were trying to accomplish by chasing Sephiroth, and Kit had tried her best to pay attention, since that was really the reason she was there in the first place. But a pounding headache had broken her concentration, until she excused herself and came up to rest in the room she was going to share with Tifa, Aeris and Yuffie. That crawling sensation was beginning again too, and that scared her more than anything. She couldn't go on like that forever, and she thought sleeping might get rid of it, but instead it was only turning into a familiar uneasiness in her stomach.
In the other beds, Yuffie groaned and pulled a pillow over her head, and Tifa yawned. "Aeris, what are you doing dressed? I thought we were all just going to go to bed, tomorrow might be a big day."
Aeris grinned widely. "I can't sleep," she explained. "Not knowing what tomorrow will bring... I just want to enjoy tonight. Please, go back to sleep, all of you. I'm really sorry I woke you up..."
Yuffie sat up then. "Oh yeah? Enjoy tonight, huh? What do you have planned?"
"Wellll..." Aeris clasped her hands behind her back excitedly. "It's nothing you guys could do with me. I just figured, since we're all stuck here..." Aeris paused, apparently unsure of what to say.
"Aw, come on!" Yuffie prompted her. "What's that supposed to mean? I like this place as much as anyone!"
Aeris blushed. "I thought maybe Cloud would like to take advantage of it. He really needs to loosen up, I think."
"Whoa! You mean like a date?" Yuffie said incredulously. "You think he'd go for it?"
"I guess I'll find out!" Aeris said, grinning. "Wish me luck!"
"Sure thing," Yuffie told her, waving as Aeris closed the door to their room behind her. "So, you think Spiky will actually go out with her?" she asked, turning to Kit and Tifa.
Tifa looked as miserable as Kit had ever seen anyone look. "Probably," she said, her voice quavering just a little.
Yuffie didn't seem to notice. "Y'know, maybe she's right. I want to enjoy my time here too," she said cheerfully, pulling on her clothes again. "And a little harmless eavesdropping would be reeeally enjoyable, if you know what I mean," she added with a wink.
"Yeah," Tifa said dully. She really was upset, Kit realized. Usually she would have told Yuffie off for suggesting such a rude thing.
Once Yuffie had bounced out the door after Aeris, Tifa threw herself down on her bed and buried her face in her pillow. From the way her shoulders shook, Kit guessed she was probably crying. She couldn't blame her.
No wait, she could. "Tifa, if you care about him so much, why do you keep letting this happen?" she finally asked.
Tifa looked up with red-rimmed eyes. "I... don't... it's too late," she said, her eyes overflowing.
Ignoring the queasiness that made her want to lie back down, Kit went over to sit on the side of Tifa's bed. "It's not too late," she said, placing a hand on Tifa's shoulder with what she hoped was a reassuring smile. She'd never had to be sincere, back in Shinra. "Nothing's set in stone," she continued. "It's not like she's asked him to marry her."
"It's not just that," Tifa murmured. "That's not why it's too late... he's changed so much from when I knew him, when we grew up together. I... loved him back then, but now..." She buried her face in her pillow again. "I don't know if he's the same person anymore," she wept.
Kit didn't really know what to say. She'd had friends who had romantic relationships back at Shinra, she'd seen them begin and end numerous times, but that trademark coldness that SOLDIERs all seemed to develop kept them from letting their emotions show on the outside as more than just tension. How did you talk to a person who was crying over the loss of a childhood friend? "People all change," she said slowly, thinking of Sephiroth. She'd met him first as a living legend, then in her eyes he'd become simply the man she loved, and now she knew more, that he really was a madman. He'd changed, even if only in her eyes, but she still loved him. "Tifa... everyone changes over time. It doesn't matter if you love him for who he was, really, it matters if you love him for who he is now."
"I don't even know who he is now," Tifa sobbed. "He knows things he shouldn't know about, and doesn't remember some of the things he should... like... what happened five years ago..."
Kit shrugged. "What happened five years ago is enough to make anyone act strangely," she commented. "It sounds like you need to make up your own mind."
"You don't understand," Tifa said, wiping her eyes and trying bravely to regain her composure. "You don't know him the way I did..."
Kit felt an uneasy sense of deja vu in the back of her mind. She'd never answered these kinds of questions before, as far as she knew, or had similar problems to be faced. So why did she know what to say? "I think... I mean, I'm not exactly the best person to be giving out romantic advice," she admitted. "But I think your problem is all in seeing him as he was, rather than as he is. If you'd just met Cloud a few weeks ago, never having seen him before in your life, what would you think of him?"
"I don't know. I'm sorry, you're right," Tifa whispered brokenly, covering her face with her hands. "But it's more than that... he... You can't know. But thank you for trying to help. Kit, I'm glad you're here," she said suddenly, with a tired smile. "I can't exactly talk to Aeris about this, and Yuffie seems so young sometimes... I don't really know the others, except for Barret, and he's not likely to be sympathetic."
Kit chuckled. No, she definitely couldn't picture Barret consoling a broken-hearted friend.
Tifa regarded Kit seriously, sitting up straighter. "Have you ever been in love?" she asked gently. "Or does Shinra destroy that part of a person, when they become a SOLDIER? You and Cloud, you're both so distant..."
The question took Kit by surprise, and she looked up, startled. Her first urge was to deny it vehemently, but... she was so tired of hiding it. So tired of not being able to express it, or even acknowledge it. "I suppose they'd like to," she replied. "Emotion can keep a person from carrying out their missions without second thoughts. Compassion... they'd like it to be wiped out of us. But I don't think they know how. Yes, I have been in love," she answered with a sigh, thinking of Sephiroth's hair blowing in the wind as it had that day when he'd left her near Junon. Then she smirked. "I'm just not very good at it."
"I understand completely," Tifa said with a sympathetic smile. "If you ever want to talk about it..."
Kit shook her head. "I always want to talk about it," she said. "But I shouldn't."
"Why not?" Tifa inquired.
Well, she couldn't exactly explain that, either. Kit tried to think of a way to put it that made sense. "It's like what you said about Cloud," she said finally. "You wouldn't understand, you can't know."
Tifa smiled. "Fair enough. I don't think anyone can ever really understand anyone else's feelings completely. So you don't want to talk?"
"Not really," Kit said. "I'd rather sleep." She needed to shake that sick feeling before it grew into a noticeable discomfort again. The next time, there was no way she could fool Aeris into letting it go.
"Same here," Tifa agreed. "If we're going to be searching for the Temple of the Ancients from now on, and we don't have any clues yet... well, this might be the last time we get to sleep in a bed for awhile."
Kit forced herself to smile and nod as she crawled back under the covers. No matter how she felt in the morning, she wouldn't be with AVALANCHE after tomorrow, but off finding her own way to the Temple of the Ancients. In fact, even that wasn't really necessary. She'd heard all she needed to hear at their meeting earlier, and Sephiroth had promised that once she'd found out what he needed to know, he would find her again. Despite the vague feeling of illness that touched her, Kit fell asleep smiling, secure in that knowledge.
To Chapter TwentyFive. To the intro. That means it's mine, not yours! |
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