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Chapter Twenty The chilly air of Mt. Nibel managed to penetrate even the heavy SOLDIER uniform Kit wore, as they trudged along the path Tifa had marked for them. However, she was too lost in her own thoughts to notice.
Sephiroth had a human mother. Sephiroth wasn't an Ancient. Even Jenova wasn't an Ancient. What was Jenova then, Kit wondered, trembling. Jenova was in her body, and in Sephiroth's. It was killing her, the not knowing.
As she pondered it all, she lagged a little behind the group Barret was leading. He said he'd seen Tifa's trail markings before, and he knew how to interpret them. As they came to a place where the trail split in two ways, Barret examined a pile of stones on the ground and said they'd gone right. The others followed his lead and started down the path, but Kit stopped short, looking at the path they hadn't taken.
She knew that path. Because that was the path that led to the reactor, where Sephiroth had freed her.
Glancing ahead at the rest of them, she realized no one was paying attention to her. Even Aeris seemed wrapped in her own thoughts, and after Kit had explained what had happened in the mansion, it was no surprise. In a way, it must have been just a little comforting to know that there was another Ancient in the world, even if he was mad. Aeris must have had as many questions as Kit did herself.
That was just fine, though. No one to see what she did now.
Kit slid silently around the edge of a cliff before anyone happened to look back and see her hesitation. She counted to one hundred, leaving them plenty of time to get out of visual range, before she took off running along the path they hadn't taken.
Winged monsters swooped down at her, screaming their indignation as she ignored them and continued on her way. Each twist and turn the path took was second nature to her, and the further she went, the faster she ran, until even her SOLDIER-trained body was aching, and still she ran. There had to be answers there, she thought desperately.
Finally, panting, she stood in front of the huge metal dome of the Mako reactor, looking up at the door that led inside. As she climbed the stairs to enter, she looked back at the path in case anyone had followed her, but they hadn't. Suddenly Kit wondered if she'd be able to find them again, when she was done looking around. It didn't matter - what she was doing was more important, she decided.
Inside the reactor, the hum of machinery at work buzzed steadily as the Mako energy was drawn through the pipelines into the processing chambers where it was compressed and stored. Kit didn't think anything of it - she'd been in plenty of reactors back in Midgar - and so she climbed down the chains and crossed the narrow bridge into what should have been an ordinary storage chamber, in any other reactor.
Aside from the metal door at the top of the stairs, below the plaque reading "JENOVA", everything seemed to be just as in the reactors of Midgar. The capsules were lined up as was proper, like eggs in a carton, but the sight of them made Kit shiver. Once there had been a human in each one of them, and then there had been a monster. And in one of them...
Kit slowly approached the capsule at the top of the stairs, the one closest to the door to the Jenova chamber. She reached out to touch the metal surface, and found it perfectly smooth and cold, no traces of anything out of the ordinary. Running her fingers over it, she found the grooves where it opened, and felt the scratches along one side. Memories she'd blocked out came flooding into her mind with vivid intensity, colors and sensations...
A circle of dull red inside the glow. It never changes. But now it does. Something pours over it, not glowing like everything else in my world, but shining and silver. Eyes, staring at me. Those pale blue-green orbs glow, with the same light that surrounds me. After a moment they disappear, and a ring of darkness surrounds me.
The glowing is shattered, as the darkness cracks it wider. Soon I'm in open air. It's warm, and rough on me. I fall to my knees, and my long hair brushes against my bare skin. It's not clean here, there's a feeling of... what is it? This isn't where I belong. It feels... wrong. But I was part of it once... wasn't I? I remember a little...
The one with the glowing eyes is here with me, and his hair is the long silver shine I saw earlier. He's looking at me. He feels like me. He is shaped like me - two arms, two legs, and he is like me in other ways. The part of me that senses the wrongness senses familiarity in him. We share that wrongness.
He carries something, a long metal object, dripping red as he kneels and looks into my eyes. He wipes the long blade of the sword - a sword, that's what it is. I'm beginning to remember more things from this world.
After another moment, his lips move and he makes sounds.
"Your eyes are so... dead."
I don't understand what the sounds mean, but he makes more.
"Was I like this once? Are you like me?"
He's very distraught. I would reach out and comfort him, if I could remember how to reach out, how to comfort. I haven't had the freedom to move in so long...
Freedom. I was trapped, and he freed me. I should do something for him, anything, but I don't know what I can do. What am I?
He stands and turns away, towards a closed door. His shoulders are shaking, he makes a sound as if he's amused, but he's actually very angry. He strikes the door again and again with his sword, and I can feel hatred and fear radiating from him. And then, a deep sadness as he turns back to look at me. Clutching his sword, he slumps down, his back against the door. He closes his eyes, and tears trickle from the corners, down his smooth cheeks.
"My mother... Jenova. All my life I felt there was something different about me, something inhuman... I always believed it had to be my imagination, because my mother was Jenova. I always had that knowledge to fend off these suspicions, to reassure me I could not possibly be so different as I felt... Was it a lie? These monsters... what was different about me? Why am I not misshapen? Are this girl and I something else?"
I think I should understand the noises he makes, but I do not.
He turns his head to look at me again.
"You can't talk, can you?"
He seems to be waiting for something, but I don't know what. He brushes a hand across his wet face as he stands.
"Just as well you can't. No one to tell that they saw the great hero Sephiroth crying like a child."
His head is bowed, his hair falls over his shoulders and reminds me of something I must have known long ago. The folded wings of a white bird. So perfect. He looks like... what was it called?
Angel.
He looks up in surprise, and then laughs bitterly. Somehow he must know what I was thinking. Did I make a noise with my lips, like he did?
"If only it were that simple."
He kneels beside me again, touches my hand with his fingers, damp from the tears.
"I hope you find an easy death, girl. Death is easier than what I am facing. Perhaps I should..."
I wish I knew what he was trying to tell me. Now he is holding his sword again, and reaches out to touch my neck with it. The metal is cold and sharp. He seems to be watching me for some reaction. What is he trying to tell me? I want to thank him, and tell him that I'm sorry, I don't understand...
He draws back, covering his face with his hand.
"You don't understand a word I'm saying. What would be the point?"
In one fluid motion, he stands and puts his sword in his belt. He is walking away from me. I want to follow, but I don't remember how to move in such a way.
Time passes. I was not aware of the passing of time when I was... where I was. But time passes, and I remember what it was like to move. To stand up. I hurt all over, but I can walk, and so I go after him.
It's a tremendous strain, climbing the chains to the top, crawling across the narrow pipes to get outside. Solid earth below me. My body has brought me this far safely, but now it rebels. Knees give out. Arms will not move. I'm lying helpless.
Someone approaches. There's a feeling of familiarity about this person too, but it is not the one who was with me. Not the angel. This one is shorter, with dark hair, and he wears white. He looks at me through small squares of glass perched on his nose, and his eyebrows raise in curiosity. He makes sounds.
"Fascinating... utterly fascinating. What could have caused this, I wonder?"
He sounds familiar, though it's all still nonsense to me.
"So... you can move. Can you speak? Do you know who you are?"
He seems to be waiting for something. Finally he seems to grow tired of waiting, and giggles strangely before he walks away, into the place I just came from.
I'm glad to see him go. I think that when I knew him before, I didn't like him.
He comes back out again later, and this time he's not giggling. He's angry.
"Every single one! All my specimens! But then again, he was my greatest accomplishment... should I be surprised?"
He stands above me again, staring down at me.
"No - not every single one, after all..."
He giggles, covering his mouth, and then extends a hand towards me.
"Would you like to come with me? I think I should get to know you better."
I stand, with his help, even though I instinctively distrust him. I can't lie here forever. He slips off the long white coat he's wearing and puts it around my shoulders, pulling my hair out from beneath it as he buttons it up the front.
"Wouldn't it be something to see, you walking back into town on my arm, stark naked? Those stupid backwoods villagers would be gossiping for weeks!"
He giggles again, then takes my hand... my arm...
Kit was suddenly brought out of her thoughts by the touch of a real hand on her arm. Still half lost in memory, she gasped and started to pull away from it, but then looked up.
Glowing blue-green eyes, like the Mako inside the capsule, silver hair tumbling gracefully over his shoulders. "Kit?" Sephiroth asked. "Have you remembered?"
Kit stared up at him in shock. For a moment she still was that confused creature that had broken out of the capsule, and she couldn't comprehend his words. "Kit?" he repeated, with a look of concern.
Remembering herself again, she threw her arms around him, clinging tightly, breathing in the smell of him, leather and steel. "Sephiroth," she murmured frantically. This is now. He's here, and this is now.
"Do you remember anything?" he asked her again, holding her head to look in her eyes.
She nodded. "I remember... my angel."
His body tensed at the word, and his lips slowly parted in a broad smile. "I'm sorry, Sephiroth, so sorry..." she sobbed, burying her face in his chest.
One of his arms pulled her close, firm and supportive, as the other hand stroked her hair. "Sorry? What do you have to apologize for?"
"You were in pain... I didn't understand the words you said, I wanted to comfort you and I couldn't... I couldn't do a thing for you..."
He chuckled softly. "I understand. It's all right now, Kit. The pain I felt was small and petty, wishing to be human, when I am something far better." He leaned down to kiss her wet cheek. "Don't cry, Kit. Soon your pain too will pass."
He didn't understand. How could Kit explain to him that the reason she was crying was not for herself, but for him? She'd thought of him as so hard, so calculating, but now she had memories of him lashing out in anger and collapsing in tears.
"I would stay with you," he murmured, brushing the tears from her cheeks, "but the others are coming. They are looking for you, so that they can go on looking for me." The familiar smirk crossed his lips. "Cloud's little game of cat-and-mouse becomes more amusing by the day. He still doesn't even know why he seeks me..."
Kit forced herself to stop crying. "He's still very bitter about what happened five years ago," she began shakily, but Sephiroth put a finger to her lips.
"There is no time," he told her. "We will talk later about what you've discovered."
She looked up at him, puzzled. "If we don't have time, why did you come to me at all?"
"I could feel your distress," he replied. "It would not have been good to have AVALANCHE find you in the state you were in. And then, also..." He looked away from her, and Kit thought he looked just the slightest bit ashamed, if it were possible. "I know I did not talk to you much while we were travelling together. I'd become accustomed to being alone, you see. But after we parted ways, my journey was..." He paused reluctantly before finishing. "It was lonely."
Kit smiled, pleasantly surprised to hear him admit to feeling anything at all. Perhaps she'd already broken down some of his walls, in the short time they'd been together. Perhaps she could do more. "I could leave AVALANCHE now, and go with you again," she suggested.
He shook his head. "It would be best if you stayed with them," he told her. "Keep an eye in particular on Cloud, and the Ancient, and... this new person who has joined them, the one from the Mansion. There is more to him than meets the eye. You've done remarkably well on your mission so far," he said seriously, his hands on her shoulders. "You've blended in well, and now when you turn up missing, they search for you even though they know I am just ahead. You've become a part of their group."
Kit shook her head in protest, but he smiled and nodded. "You're very subtle, sneaking into their confidence like this. I appreciate your help, Kit."
He bent to kiss her one last time, then shot up through the top of the reactor, passing through the ceiling like a ghost just as Cloud burst through the door.
"Kit!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
Tifa rushed in behind him, followed by the others. "You shouldn't go off by yourself in these mountains, they're dangerous!" she admonished her.
"And you especially shouldn't go wandering off alone when you've been sick," Aeris added, panting and trying to catch her breath. "We were looking all over, afraid you might have fainted again..."
"What are you doing here anyways?" Tifa asked curiously.
Kit thought fast. "I wanted to see where Cloud's story took place," she said finally. "Where Sephiroth went mad... Sorry if I scared you all. It's just been this dream I always had, to see the place where he supposedly fell." She turned to Cloud. "You understand, because you were in SOLDIER."
Cloud still had that cold, unperturbable look on his face, but he nodded. Aeris was looking at her carefully. "Have you been crying, Kit?"
"No, I'm fine." Aeris, for once, didn't protest. She must have still been preoccupied by Sephiroth's revelations.
"Then let's go," Cloud said. "Sephiroth could be getting further and further ahead, you know. We've wasted too much time already."
Tifa and Aeris ran ahead of him back out the door, but as Kit started to follow, Cloud put a hand firmly on her shoulder. "What were you really doing here?" he asked grimly, his pale blue eyes staring intently into hers.
"I told you, I wanted to see where Sephiroth... went mad," she said, still a little shaken. Cloud didn't look convinced, so she continued. "Even though I joined SOLDIER after he disappeared, the stories were being told about him." That was the truth, too. Everyone still had those sketches of Sephiroth hanging in their quarters. "Whatever he is now, once he was my idol. And the idol of all of us in SOLDIER. Yours too, in case you've forgotten. I envy you, in a way... you got to know him before he went mad." Again, the truth.
Cloud's blue eyes blinked, and he stared at the ground restlessly for a moment before he caught himself. "I'm not in SOLDIER anymore," he said firmly as he met her eyes again. "And neither are you." His grip on her shoulder tightened. "Don't forget he's the enemy now. You got that?"
Kit couldn't make herself nod - she'd never been a good liar. Instead, she smiled at him. "You're starting to sound like Barret."
Cloud narrowed his eyes in irritation. "And if you keep that face up, you'll look like him too," she added with a chuckle.
Slowly, the tension leaked out of Cloud's face, and he smiled. "Okay, okay. I understand. But Kit - don't leave the group again. I've got this feeling we're going to need another trained fighter by the time this is over," he said seriously. "And remember what Barret said - we're a team. Right?"
Kit nodded. "I plan on seeing this through to... whatever end it will have," she said. That was the truth too, although she meant it in a different way than he did. She'd do whatever she could to help Sephiroth heal those wounds that he didn't even know he had. Whether it meant helping or hindering AVALANCHE.
To Chapter Twentyone. To the intro. That means it's mine, not yours! |
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