#FRET LEMONDE (LOL@JOKE IT IS LEMON BUT LIKE LEA MONDE) NUMBER 3
THE LEMON OF ZELDA: LABIA MAJORA'S MASK

a IRRC MURDER MYSTERIE in 3 accts
by CHU-CHU
proofreadfd by SELPHIE TILMITT


CHAPTER ONE: THE POLT THIKENS

It wsa a dark and dstormy knight in #frett and Perien was playing his neeonazi techno music when shotS
RANG IOUT.  Sudenely Selphie was /KILLed (Sorry Selphie!).  "I'm alling the cops >__<!" said selphie
as she died.

"Oh NO It si a HIENZOUS CRIME," exxkalimed Tifabo.t  OH WAIT TERE SI NO TIFABOT let's pretend that
wsa said bye Darkmogle.

"HIENZOUS CRIEM = FAGGOT," said Caph exept he wasnt caph he was \@#_)!#_{}#_.  uh-oh caph is going 2
kill me for using punccshuation marks he will say .................................... like that
except for several lines and FLOD TEH CHANEL.

There was a faste response by teh IRCOps for once they actually showed up in respones to selphie.
"HEllo I am IRCop I can protect you," said Chimerasame.  "What seems to be the matter?"

"SELPHEI was killed by a MYSTERIOUS MYSTERY MURDER STRANGER!" esplained Dark_Etarnale.  "What r
you goiing to 2?"

"first I will CONDUCT MY INVESTIGATEATION," said chimerasame the ircop.

"oh good idea why didn't I thikn of that!"

"i will start by investgateing Leeloo's hot ass in tihs brroom closet over here.  LB SEX
ME BABY!!"!"!

leeloo and chim jumped into the fret backroom.  leeloo told chim to say asshole licker.  after
chim said asshole licker leeloo jumepd on him and started fucking him tin the ass dearly with
her DILDO ^-^

oops selphie has somethign to say (even though she's dead).  "LOL@DILDO!!!!!!!111"


CHAPTER TWO: ALL TEH WAY TO RENO'S RECTUM

Chim and leeloo were still going at it like rabbits when Tom showed up after his busy work
day of seeling seafood and having fagort UNREALE TONAMNET network aprty.  "Oh, good gracious.
Praise should be bestowed upon objects containing righteousness, for that accursed 'robot'
Selphie has elected to liberate us from her babble at this juncture in time :-P," siad tom.

"that's because she was KILLED bu a mysyerious myurder syranger ;_;," said Dej.

"What!?" said Tom.  now he was pissed.  fuck love and peace, he wanted to KICK OSMEONER IN
TEH GROIN.  "where are the IRCOPS!?!?!?"

"they are CONDUCT AN INVESTIGATEING of Leelo's hot ass in thh brorom closet."

"Well, tat guy is about as useles as the #FRET HOMEPAGE MESAG BOARDS :-P."

"i know it was terra anyway," said richmond.  he didn't like terra.

"wait mayeb it was RENNo," said b.  "HE hates teenagers and Selphie ujs a teenager!  he
probalyrt got his friend to TIE up selphie by ropes and PUT HOOKS IN HER"

so #fret decided to take Measured into they're own hands and EXEKUT VIGILATNETR EJUSTICE
from reno-.  a special TASK fors of B flip and perrin went from ontario to another
place in ontario and showed up atreno's door in an ice cream truck.

"ICE CREAM" said reno as he ran out of his house.  

b and flip grabbed reno and threwe him in the truck and perrin started humpingg him.  "HAH
ha this is for SELPHIEH" said joel.

"WAIT IT WASN'T ME" said reno.  "I have Charactar witneses."

reno then got his character wintnerss like fritz, joel, meikai, kaworu.  "reno did not
kill selphie!!"

"oh are u saying reno = COOL DUDE" said flip.

"No we are saying RENO = PERVERT.  if he found selphie he wouldn't KILL HER he Would
MACK ON HER"

and so reno got off the hook!  (he didn't kill selphie.)


CHAPTER THREE: IT REALLY WHIPS THE SUCCUBUS' ASS

Meanwhile in #FRET HQ, a moose ate up all the food.  but that is not import part of the story IT SI
NONSE_QUTIER we will forget it.

"Wait!" said Joe.  "I have it	!  It must be Rahul because he hates Americans and Selphie was codeed
by american."

a SECOND task force consisting of mister-x and no one else was deployed to Kaworu and Prim's CASTELE
OF GLOOM DARKNES IN BRITISH.  (mister_ X is the only one on the team because he is the only
UK fretter, GET IT?)

when Mister_X got to teh CASTLE OF GLOM DARKNESS it was a dark and storrmy night and SOMEone
WAS playing crarapy dewath m etal at loud valume.  mister-x haxxored his way through the casetl
defense systems and got to the bedroom.

"RAHU!L did you kill Selphiebot"

"no YUO FAGORT," said rahul.  "if I killed Selphie I would have left my tardamek clalling card by
carving 'THIS SENESELES MURDER BY CARPE NOCTEM DESIGNF' in her sikn."

"TRUE!" said mister-x.

"Yuo didn't figure that out so Yuo must be stupid gringo americans!!!" said rahul.  "Haha ha
i EAT americanS 4 BREAKFAST  die gaijin die" the pollice was then called on mister-x.  mister-x
ran out of the castle and jumped in his bronco and iht the rookie road like oj simpson. 

rahul went back to having sex with lisa.  "NO WATI WE ARE NOT AN ITEM!  we are having hot
steamy xxx hardcore uncesnored sex JUST AS FRIENDS"

Lisa slapped.  "What!?  WE aren't an item?'" she was upset.  "YUO LIAR!  i am dumping you for
kaworu plushieee!"

this chapter was a sad one but i prommise the next one will be funnier k???


CHAPTER FOUR: LIKE FRITZY IN A SODA CAN IT'S TROOKY-TROOKY-TROOKY!

Chim finally finished his vinerstgation of elleo's hot ass.  he then summoned his
noble assistant elmina.  (she puts the ass in assisatant.) and they all ran out
fo the channel to jump into action.

Leelo aale jumped in the car and chime and elmina got in the back Seat.  (and
started making out there.)

WHO SI DRIVING?  OH MY GOD!  BOT IS DRIVING!  HOW CAN THIS BE!?

leeleo droge them to fritz's house.  they found him they're of course becaue he
lmnever leaves hisc omputer!!  all frits does is write SICK STORIES all day.  Tey
are very gross and pervarted and he needs to GET HIS MIND OFF THE GUTTER and
sTOp talkkking about sex all teh time.

"FRITZ you must have KILLED selphie but deleteroring her," said chim.  "EL ARE YOU
GETTING THIS CONSERVERATION RECORDING?"

"no i am having sex with flea'

"oh that's ok too," said chim.  "anyway fritz we knowww you did it!  stop pingg-flooding
me and comme out with your handss up!"

el rrang the flammie drum and flammie appeared.  BY THE WAY flammie is MALLEEE not
female so flammie siwr ong.  also it's rose of may, bitch  wait this is clara n/m
elm gave falmmmie a cookie and had her attack "Fritzie"

"WAit I am innocent" said fritz.  "I WOULnd't KILL selphie I love selphie because I
am FAGORT WHO HASOBSSEDD OVER VIDEO GAME CHARCTER FOR TWO YEARS AND STILL HASNT: FIGURED
OUT SHE ISN"T REAL"

"but what if yuo decided to kill selphie so you could stop getting obbseessed over
her and GET A LIFE??" said chim.  he was very insiteful.  insightful?  inciteful.
i'm so confused.

""IF i gOT A LIFE WHY WOULD I BE WRITING CRAP ABOUT CANADIANS IN ICE-CREAM TRUCKS
AND NOn-EXISTANT BOTS YUO BUTPPTOP!?" fritz yelled.  even though he wasn't writing
this stuff, me (chu-chu) is.

"oops true," said chim as he and elmmmina left.

"but THIS GIVES ME IDEA 4 my new fanfic," said fritz.  "It is called 'THE LEGEND OF I
GETS SOME' wich is very imaginative story that requjired a great deale of artistic
liscene."

FUCK YOU I AME THE WONE WRRITING THIS STORY NO AM I NO YOU AREN"T @#$)$(#)$(@#$

CONNECTION RESET BY PETER


CHAPTER FIVE: INSECT POLTIICS

well I TRIED to make that chapter teh funney but FRITZ got pissed he is fagort

anyway meawwnwheril TOM was having a PLIOCE LINEUP INTERGGORATION.  (chim had
given him a temporary badge to make him an assisatnt irocop!)  "T-hpeonix where
you were at he time of the crime"

"i was in mistress quisty' dungeon of pleasure!" said stepehen.  "i am innocent!"

they checked lcuia's logs and his ALbii check out.  Stpehen was oof the hook!

"MEIAK!I?  WHAT WERE YOU DOING?"

meiaki started wtiching.  she parted fret and rejoined agian. 

"WHAT WERE YOU DOIG?"

meiaki aprarted again.  then she rejoied.  "i was justa wattching my fremamaranamarat
porn video honest!"

"okay I believe that" said tom becuase just like every other guy in #fret he was
constantly fawwneed over her and kept asking luciaa was where she was BECAUSE FRET GUYS
ARE LONEY PATHETIC DORKS W/ NO SOCIAL LIVES!!!!!!!!111111111111

meikai left.  then she acme back.  then she laft again.

"what about YOU jay" asked Tom.

"I was having a meteting of the Wakka Fan Club" said lakupo

"LIAR there is no wakka fan club YUO = THE ONLY WAKKA FAN ON GOD'S GREENE EARTH"

jay was detained for further invetrstigation.

"and what were YOU DOING , chesed?"

silence.

"CHESED?"

silence.

"you there, chesed?'

silence.

"OH GO TO CLUB FAGORT IDLER"


CHAPTER SIX: RANDOME SEX

benny and toasterthief and joel and beej all had sex.  a lot.  then htey stole toasters.


CHAPTER SEVEN: KADOMONY KICKED MY ASS

Chim and Leeloeo and Elmina returned to #fret wheeere xZxExlxLdLdx was reggaling them
with stories abbout band camp.

"LOL@STTTUPID RECYYCLING OF JOKE FROM AMERRICAN PIE" laughed ben.  he was then shot by
rahul for menetioning americans.

"a BETTAR movei would be CANADIAN PIE" said joe.  to deemonstarate his point he was
inspired and starrt humpoing joeel's nesteaeaea.

"OH NO MY NESTY SI CHETING ON ME!" yelled pierren.  he shot the nestae through the HEART
with a bb gun and reveng was seved cold with a sied order of french fries.  it was Pierre
who was a FRIED FRENCH for reseeting too many peoples' connections.


CHAPTER EIGHT: CHIM IS A LEETY HAXOR

evereyone gaseped!  what if thsi calluous deed meant perrin was the mysterious murder
killer!?  "NO im an innocent i like to hae SEX with BOTS remember?" said perrin.

"but what is Selphie was cheating On you with Quistis!" said Chimerasame.

rob slivers appeared out of nowhere.  "NO THAT SI OTHER STORY<" he said.  "DONT U COPY ME"

but cvhiim was very suspcious,  he cked lucia'ss irc logs and saw that the kiler had
come from Caanda.  Surprise surprise.  Everyone knows those canadiens are up to no good
because they havve nothing else to do except have sex with meese and eat KREFT DRINER
so chim and elmnina and leleeo and flammie jumped in their car again and took off four
canada.


CHAPTER NINE: INTARLUD

meanwhile, xeira (not a canadian) joined #feret.  "aoehg graboomung toy restortils bpogbmrtsn
dliytk puityty hqbinese pteren," said xerai.  "OPPS i meant to type 'hello.'"  shen then started
sex0rirng another can offf nestea until perrrin shot her and the nestaea too.


CHAPTER TEN: JOE THE MIKO

the IRCop's first stop in Canada was joe's house where he lived with travis at college.  "Wait,
who's Travis?" said Elmina who was not all with it.

"travis is a verry good friend of Joe they live together."

OH YES CONGRATULATIONS YUO HAVE CRACKED THE CODE AND FOUND TEH SERCET HOMMOEROTIC SUBTEXT
YUO GET 300 RUPEES.

chim and elmina and leeleo investgated joe's housee.  they were shokced to find nichole's
granny panties in the battheroom but they did not find any investigation evidence that ESelphie
was killed by Joe (or by his lover Travis)

wai this just in they werent nichole's they were JOE's


CHAPTER ELEVEN: KWAWII PURPLE DRAGON = 666

the nextt stop for the IRCops was shawn_struck's house.  "WAIT" yuo might be saying.  "I
thought He liVED in NEWS JERSERY>."  well he did but he evetnualy bought up all of new
jersey's ham uspply and had to move to Canada to find more.  also he leggaly changed his
name to haven an undesrscore in it.

"HELLO shawn did you kill SELPHIE" asked chim

"NO!" said shawn.  {I did!} said his other personality.  "NO YUO DIDN'T FAGORT DRAGON"
{YES I DID!}  "I HAET YOU" said shawn and shot himselff because the voices in hs told
him too..

then falmmmie volunteered to conduct an investigation of tororth's hot ass and loccked
hserlf in the closet with tororth and so the IRCops were forced to leave her behind.
however flammier and tororth did have 2 beautiful childrens named nanthaniel and superfly


CHAPTER ELEVEN: NARF!

well
that
was
a
very
tragic
story
i
promise
i
will
make
this
funny.
<:O

Elmina
Chimerasamemasamemunemurasame
and
Eleleleo
next
showed

aT
ren's
house. <:o

XD

"POOF!"
said
ren 
as
she zarked <:O
her poof.
but it
wasn't
darka
it
was
some
cheesy
poofs

"WHAT HAVE YUO DONE with draK!?' gasped elmina.  mayeb if ren had 'DISAPPEARED' drak
she had done the same to Selphie

"ohhh
i raped
him <:O"
said
ren.
"so he
went
to
get
an
aborshone."

i hope
that chapter
was funny <:O

rotflol@ me

P.S. WHOOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111


CHAPTER ELEVEN: A-MUSE-ING LOL

chim and leeleo and elmina took a Cross-Ccoutnry Road trip from BVC towards Ontarrior.  On the
way they stopped at a little house in thw woods where htye found Syddney the esxy symbol and
Hardin and James and somee other gugyss I don't remember (ops kain was one of them and Ithink
CYAN) and sadistic lesbian lulu.  oh and andrea was there of course.

"Wait a second!!" said chim.  "why is Luulu a sasdisctic lesbian when teh only othar person in the
shack is andrea herself"

CONGRATULATIONS YUO HAVE FOUND TEH SECRET HOMOEROCIT SUBTEXT AGAIN YUO GET ANOTHER 30) RUPPEES.
YOU NOW HAVE 600 RUPEES AND CAN PURCHASSE THE BOW AND ARRWO.

then tami oops i mean opps i mean syl ooops again i mean flik showed up.  except she wasn't
tami she was FILK.  and andrea was Victtor.  then they got on it.  and BASTIAN teh NINJA TURTLE
joined them for a threesome.  GO NINJA GO NINJA GO!!!!!

"WHOA" said chim.  "Do we file this UNder YAOI or YURI????"

then taaami mopred into 'hardin (NOTE: not hardin it si hardin with a qutotation mark)
but hen the Transmogrifirer broke cause it was just a ccardboard box.  so hardin and
viktor got it on HEY WHY NOT IT SI NOT AS DUMB AS QUISITIS AND SEIFER

"THIs is TOO WEIRD" said elmina.  "these people couldn't have killed selphie BEACAUSE THEY
ARE A FEW STARS SHORT OF A LIBERATIN ARMY"

"yead no kidding EVERYONE KNOWS THAT SUIKODEN SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"

and the moral of thisss chapter is sssssuikoden = teh ssssux0r.. ssssorry my sssss key issssa
alll sssssssssssticky.


CHAPTER ELEVEN: ANOTHR INTARLUDE

Caph started a newww webcomic.  It was called "LOREALI: THE Webcomic" it was just like "Wendy"
except it was ABOut Lorelai and her ahvving sex with her Lover Caph.

"woobaby' said capheine


CHAPTER ELEVEN: SAMURAI SHOWDOWN (W/O CAPHEINE)

by now the irCCops had gottne to hearst or whereve the hell b lives (DOES NE1 CARE FAGORT??????????)

There they found B's Pimp House where shee pimped out all her bishhounen like Hannibal and
Velvet the hot rabibt with pancakes on its head and Flip and Lady and BSQaured adn VEn.  OOPS
except Hannibal just ate Velvet incl. the pancakes

"CAN We talk to yuo for a moment" said chim.

"NO!" said clara.

so they wane to talk to flipp instead but he was STILL PLAYING STRACRAFT with lepant and
capheine and Darkmoogle and some other guys I forget.  (playing starcraft is a ephupemism
for 'felcihng').  

"This is Very sucpiscious," said chim.  "Why doesn't B wnat to talk to us!?!?!"  in truth
b didn't kill selphie because she liked selphie and especially enjoyed making Selphie
feeling sexually uncomfortable.  the real reason B didn't want to talk to them was because
she was writing HOT harry Potter kagu ai fics in which harry has sex with his broom.

but the iRCops didn't know that (ircops don't know anything lololololol).  so they decided to
have elmina distracter b with hot sex.  

so thwen they came back to B's room except B wasn't there was anymore, there was BCUBED it was
a super form of B and Bsquared.

"MAYEB they did the fuzzion dance," said chim.

"ONLY IF FUZZION DANCE IS EUFEMISM" said B.  LOLOLOLOL


CHAPTER HRAIR: DENOUUEUEUEEMENT

Chim and El had searched all of canada for clues but the Mystery was still not solved!

"Why dont we just ask LUCAI!"said nichole, lucai's number oen fane.  "SEEN MYSTERIOUS MYSTERY
MURDER STRANGER"

"Silver_Eclipse, I'm right here.  Quit wasting my time!"

"OH MY GOD LUCAI IS THE MYSTERIOUS MURDER STRANGER!!!!" 

"Yes it all makes senes now," said Chima the IRCop.  "Luccia was Jealous that Selphiee won the
bot Poll on the #fret homepage (welcome to #fret - www.thegia.com/fret) so she KILLERED Selphie
in cold bolod and then FOREGD the loGS to piin the crrime on Canada.  Balme canada."

the mystery was solved!  "HOORAY" said pokeytax who had finally sttopped materbating to Knight
Ridder lameons.

the IRCriminal wass arrested and given a sevvere beating by IJ who was no known as MrT and threw
lucia helluva far.  then rren raped her.  everyonee lived happely ever after except for Jay
who was still beig detained and every1 forgot about him.

*** TEH END ***