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The Supertastic Adventures of F.R.E.T.!
Staring Fritz "Chu-Chu" Fraundorf (With his sidekick, Hawkeye)!
Chapter 1: Introductions
Note: Any resemblance to any being on this earth, being fictitious or not, is purely coincidental, except where otherwise noted. Dont get offended.
<Fritz> Are you ready, always faithful sidekick?
<Hawkeye> You better believe it!
Let's peer into the lives of two ordinary human males. Two human males that have one thing in common: F.R.E.T. That, and they have special powers to battle crime! For in this world, the face of crime does not take the appearance of drug sellers, politicians, or TV show producers. No, this world has a much eviler personification of evil simplified in one word: Welted, the diabolic mastermind who was capable of crashing browsers everyone, while sitting on top of his pile of money.
<Fritz> Ready to knock some fat, cat loving arse?
<Hawkeye> As always!
Yet there were those in the world who refused to stand under his tyranny. Their names...were Fritz and Hawkeye. Special agents under the secret order of F.R.E.T.: FReedom against Evil Tyrants, opposing Welted's organization, R.E.L.A.X.: REtards Loving to Annoy Extraordinariness.
<Fritz> This time, Welted.... It's personal.
The two superheroes pass through the double steel doors of the office of F.R.E.T.'s leader, Kappa D. Impa.
* Kappa looks up You two are late.... Again!
<Hawkeye> Sorry, we were, having trouble with our...ehh...'transportation'.
* Fritz snickers Yeah, let's just say the car wouldn't 'get out of the garage'! * Fritz high fives Hawkeye
<Kappa> Stop giving me euphemisms for sex! I know what you two do!
<Fritz> But, baby, when you're the two top spies in the world, chicks DIG you!
* Kappa sighs If you two didn't get the job done, I'd fire you both on the spot.
<Hawkeye> But...you're not going to, right?
<Kappa> Not yet, anyway.
<Hawkeye> Sweet!
* Kappa sighs As you know, Welted is planning on using a secret new weapon to somehow incapacitate the world. As of yet, we do not know what this weapon is, so we can not determine any weak points. Your job is to sneak into their Weapons Facility in Kalamazoo, MI, take screenshots, and leave. YOU WILL NOT fornicate with anyone. Do I make myself clear?
* Fritz salutes Of course, boss! Just a walk in the park...But....uhh...
<Kappa> What is it?
<Fritz> I just gotta say...KALAMAZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
* Kappa sighs As always, I shall have Sotek outfit you with the latest Fretware devices. Also, you may stumble upon two of our agents at that factory. We sent them in, and have yet to receive word. We fear they may be kidnapped.
<Hawkeye> So, rescue them as well?
* Kappa nods If you see them, yes. But I want you in and out as soon as possible. Do I make myself clear?
<Fritz> Mmm..in and out. Like a Tetris block!
* Kappa shudders This briefing is dismissed. And don't screw up.
The two agents proceed to make their way down to the F.R.E.T. laboratory, where they are greeted by the always eccentric Sotek, and his servant, SotekBot.
<Fritz> Hello, Sotek, SotekBot!
<SotekBot> Rel go B runs fast dog.
<Hawkeye> Aha ha! Incoherent as always.
<Fritz> What have you go for us today, doctor?
<Sotek> Ah, well...this leather belt that...when pulled this way...does THIS!
<Hawkeye> Whoa?! Is that even legal?
<SotekBot> Not in this country.
<Fritz> Cool! What else you got?
<Sotek> Well, I have this camera which can shoot in the dark, for taking pictures of the Secret Weapon...
* Hawkeye nods
<Sotek> ...in addition to a plethora of guns and various weapons at your disposal!
<Fritz> Woo hoo!
<SotekBot> Also be we'll supply with device tracking case in just.
<Hawkeye> ...Right.
<Sotek> Well, that's about it....Oh, and here's a four way microphone that fits on the inside of your collar, so that you can communicate with each other, should you get separated, and with Kappa and myself.
<Fritz> Well...shall we be off?
<Sotek> Oh, and, do try to be careful this time...
<SotekBot> Yeah, blow up don't everything again.
<Hawkeye> Relax! You act as if every equipment we bring back either malfunctions or smells funny!
* Sotek sighs It does...
The two agents take the elevator to F.R.E.T.'s docking bay...
<Hawkeye> I wonder what Welted's plan is this time...
<Fritz> Oh, I'm sure it has to do with the having ad banners strangle the money out of everyone from the Internet.
<Hawkeye> How do you know?!
<Fritz> It's the same plan every time!
The elevator reaches its destination. The doors slide upon to reveal a majestic looking jet, dubbed the...
<Fritz> Thunder Phoenix! Have you ever seen a more beautiful site?
Off course, coincidentally, the pilot/mechanic has the same name...
<Thunder Phoenix> Ah, about time you two showed up! Where the hell have you been?!
<Hawkeye> Well, Kappa was yelling at us, then...
<Fritz> Sotek gave us some cool gear!
* Thunder Phoenix shakes his head Well, come on, let's go. And try not to mess up the upholstery! I just vacuumed it!
And so, as the jet takes our heroes closer to the R.E.L.A.X. factory in Kalamazoo...
<Fritz> KALAMAZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
...*sigh* And they must be asking themselves: are they bad enough dudes to rescue the F.R.E.T. agents?
<Hawkeye> You're damn right we are!
Special Thanks to:
Thunder Phoenix, for giving me a word that starts with "Ex"
Sotek, for telling me to go on even though the fanfic was crappy to begin with
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