The Northern Crater - Fanfics - Sephiroth vs. The World II

	Sephiroth vs. The World II by Bryan "PSXLord" Carr Here it is, the long awaited sequel to Sephiroth vs. The World! I would like to thank Dave "CEO of Dave-Tech Inc." Davis for the Monica Lewinsky and Mike Tyson ideas. All others are my own. Thank you, and be sure to check out the original fic! (So you can better understand the in jokes.) Also, thanks to Andrea "Ellcrys" Hartmann for letting me put her in this. Chapter I: Rosenne Execution Site (FFT joke =) (Scene is set in Wrigley field) Announcer: And here to sing the national anthem is Roseanne! Oh God... (Roseanne waddles onto the pitcher's mound and begins singing. While she sings, she gives everyone the one-fingered peace sign.) Crowd: GASP! (Shameless self cameo-it won't happen again, I promise) Bryan: Jeez! Not only is she disrespectful, she's a lousy singer too! (Picks up PHS and dials a number) Seph: Y'ello? Bryan: Yeah, Seph, it's me Bryan. Seph: Hey, I've been meaning to talk to ya. When do I get my paycheck for the last fic? Bryan: Later! Listen, I made the trip to Chicago to see a baseball game, not to hear Roseanne sing like a wounded camel! Seph: And.... Bryan: You gotta stop her! She's flipping the bird, too! Washington would be spinning around in his grave! Seph: All right! (Cool spin thingie! Seph appears next to Rosie.) Roseanne: HUHH! Who are you? Seph: Die, infidel! (Seph stabs Roseanne, to cheers from the crowd. However, his sword is stuck and Roseanne is still alive!!!) Roseanne: HAHAHAHAHA! (Seph swings his sword around like a madman to get Rosie off of it. She flies off into the crowd.) Roseanne: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Vicks: Hey...is there an eclipse today? Wedge: The news didn't say anything...... (Roseanne falls onto them and kills them instantly.) Mog: Oh my God! They killed Vicks and Wedge! You b*****s! Roseanne: Now ya really got me mad! OH SAY CAN YOU SEE!....... Sephiroth (ears bleeding): Must....summon...Super Nova..... Seph: Suuuuuppp....eeeerrr.... Roseanne: ....BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT! WHAT.. Seph:....Noooo...vvaaaaaaa.... (SUPER NOVA!...bounces harmlessly of Rosie, burning Seph's hands....) Seph: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!That does it! (Slowly begins the transformation to Safer..I mean Seraph Sephiroth) Roseanne: What the $#%$ is he doing? Seph: DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! (Stabs Rosie with wing) Roseanne: Whooooooooo...... (slumps over) George Washington: You've done well Sephiroth. Abe Lincoln: You are da man! John Kennedy: I ah would like to ah...congratulate you! Sephiroth: I've got to watch those Mako fumes...... Chapter II: Megalomanical Sons of Ancient Beings and the Women who love them! (Jerry Springer show) Jerry: Yes sir, do you have a comment? Guy: Yeah, I think Locke is a jerk, and... Locke: HEY! Take it down here, jerk@$$! Terra: Locke, slow down.... Locke: C'mon! You man enough? Guy: $^% you. Celes: (thinking) Oh great. (Locke jumps into the crowd and starts beating on the guy. Chaos ensues.) (A chair whizzes by Jerry's head) Jerry: Now for my final thought... (Screams are heard. Bottles are being broken. Locke is cursing.) Jerry:....people who call themselves "treasure hunters" are truly thieves, and thieves cannot be trusted. (Locke stops beating the guy up.) Locke: You want some of this, wussy boy? (Locke leaps at Jerry, and the technical difficulties screen is flashed.) (Back to Northern Crater. Seph is wearing a chef's hat and an apron that says "Kiss The Cook". He is watching TV.) Seph: They canceled "Now You're Cooking With Mako!" for this? I oughta give them a piece of my mind! Author: Sure you can spare it Seph? Seph: HEY! Author: Kidding...kidding...don't get violent.... (Seph does his magic spin thing and appears at the Jerry Springer studio) Guard: Hey... Seph: ...is for horses. Guard: You have an appointment? Seph: Should I? Guard: No appointment, no entry. Seph: Ohh...I'm....Joe King. Guard: You're kidding. Seph: No, I'm Joe King! Guard: That's what I said! Seph: No, listen. I am Joe King. Guard: About what? Seph: Pale Horse! (A pale horse tramples the guard, and Seph walks over him.) Seph: SPRINGER? WHERE ARE YOU? JS: What the #%$^ do you want? Seph: Why is your show on in place of "Now You're Cooking With Mako!"? JS: I own everybody. Simple as that. Seph: I WANT MY SHOW BACK! (Seph takes aim at Springer. Springer ducks and fires an AK-47 at Seph. He's not a good shot, and.....) Vicks: Man, Springer sucked today! Wedge: Was that your opinion or the topic of the show? (Both laugh, but the AK-47 bullets cut them off.) Mog: Oh my God, they killed Vicks and Wedge! You b****s! Seph: Bringing a gun to a sword fight....what a loser!!!!!!! (Seph slashes Springer with his super sword, silly. Try saying that five times fast!) Jerry: What about my final thought?? Seph: You just had it! (Springer collapses) Oprah: Thanks for taking out Springer! I'm back on the network! Seph: What time slot are you taking? Oprah: The one Springer had! Seph: Die!!!!!!!!!! (Oprah runs away screaming) Chapter III: Sure he can fight a human, but can he fight an Ancient? (Seph is in the crowd at a boxing match) (Mike Tyson is fighting Evander Holyfield) EH: Payback time! MT: No way! I'm the former heavyweight champion of the world! (They exchange blows for a while) Seph: This is gettin' boring..... ET: I've had enough of you! (ET throws a bomb at MT, but misses and...well..you should know what happens by now...) Vicks: Yeah! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! Wedge: OPEN A CAN!!!!!!!! (The bomb lands in Vick's lap and blows up, killing them both) Mog: Oh my God, they killed Vicks and Wedge! You b***s! MT: Take this foo'! EH: Not again.... (Tyson bites Holyfield's ear) Seph: HEY! I came to see a beatdown, not a cannibal festval! (Seph tears into the ring.) Seph: You cowardly &^%$#@! MT: You want some of me, Hairboy? Seph: Insult the hair and die! (MT takes a swing at Seph, who counters with a kick to the head.) MT: Oww! (MT cracks Sephy a good one across the jaw) (I told her I was gonna do this cameo) Ellcrys: YOU SORRY PIECE OF $%^&! MT and Seph: Huh? Ellcrys: Smackin' my man around like that! MT: What yo problem, lady? Ellcrys: My problem is you hurting Sephy-san! That deserves a @$$ whuppin'! (Ellcrys kicks MT in the stomach. She follows with an uppercut to his jaw. Finally, a la Hworang from Tekken 3, she jumps up on MT's shoulders and kicks him in the head. He falls over unconsicous.) Ref: Ummm....we have a winner? Seph: (blushing) Ummm...thanks Ellcrys-san..... Ellcrys: (gives him a big hug) Anything for my Sephy! Seph: Hoooooo boy! A hem...a little privacy please? Author: Sorry. (Blacks out scene, replaces with a moronic skit) Cid: Hot dogs, Armour ^#&$ing hot dogs, Tifa: What kind of kid likes Armour hot dogs? Cait Sith: Fat kids! Vincent:(bored) Skinny kids. Cloud: Kids who climb on rocks! Red XIII: Tough kids! Yuffie: Sissy kids! Barret: Even foo's with chicken pox! All together: Hot dogs, Armour Hot dogs, the dogs kids love to biiiiiite! (They all take a bite of a hot dog) All:MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!! Vincent: (In his head) I'm gettin' a new agent. Chapter IV: Sephygate! (I'm cutting to the chase for two reasons: 1. Monica Lewinsky must die ;) 2. I'm getting tired of typing ;) (Scene is set in Oval Office, where Monica Lewinsky is trying to kill Pres. Clinton) Monica: It's time to die Billy boy! Bill Clinton: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Seph: Hey! Stop right there! Monica: Whaaaa.... Seph: I KNEW I wasn't the only child of Jenova! Monica: &(#! I knew someone was gonna figure it out! Seph: Leave Mr. Clinton out of this! He doesn't have what you want! Monica: Yeah..You have the Masamune!!!!!! (Just what we all feared....SERAPH MONICA!!!!!) Monica: GIVE ME THE MASAMUNE! Seph: Never! And I bet your wing is fake! Monica: ALL RIGHT, BIG BRO! GET READY TO DIE! (Monica summons Meteor on Seph. It knocks him down good.) Seph: OWWW! (Seraph Seph!) Seph: Stupid ^&&^! (Sephy summons Super Nova, Pale Horse, and Meteor on Monica! Meteor and Pale Horse hit their target, but Super Nova trails off.....) Vicks: Y'ever see Armageddon? Wedge: No...what was it about? (Super Nova hits them and kills them instantly) Mog: Oh my God, they killed Vicks and Wedge! You b******s! (Back to Oval office) Monica: owwiee...... Seph: Will you just go away now? Monica! NEVER! (Rushes Seph with wing outstretched, but misses and falls into the Presidental Paper Shredder....) Monica: Ahhh, I'm shredding, oh what a world, oh what a world..... (Seph goes back to normal) Seph: You okay, Mr. President? BC: I'm fine, Sephy old pal! Thanks for your help! Anything you ask is yours! Seph: Well, I always wanted to know if there was really an Area 51.... (Bill puts his arm over Seph, and they walk ou of the office) BC: Well, there is! And they have the best steaks in the universe! Seph: KILLER! (They laugh and walk out)

Sephiroth vs. The World II

by Bryan "PSXLord" Carr