(The members of AVALANCHE are sitting around their hideout on a boring Sunday afternoon...)

Barret: $@&#! Sundays are so #%@^ing boring!

Yuffie: The malls close at 5...

Cait: Everything on the radio is Top 40 countdowns...

Tifa: Tomorrow will be Monday...

Cid: Dukes of Hazzard won't be on again till next weekend...

Tifa, Cloud, and Cait: SHUT UP ABOUT THE DUKES OF HAZZARD!

Cid: Geez.

(Yuffie plugs in some headphones and begins to dance around the room singing)

Yuffie: (singing) So, tell me what you want, what ya really really want!

Barret: (plugging his ears) I really really want you to $&^#ing shut up!

Cloud: Hey, I have an idea.

Aeris, Tifa, Barret, Cid, and Cait: What?!!

Cloud: Let's go kill the Spice Girls.

(Sweat drops appear on all their heads)

Cid: #$^& it! I thought you really had an idea of something to do.

Cloud: I was serious.

Tifa: Oh, shut up.

(Author's note - Sephiroth already did that anyway *cackle* ^_~)

Yuffie: (singing) If ya wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends...

(Barret yanks the headphones off Yuffie and turns the station)

Barret: %&^@! Nobody likes that &#*$ except &#^% teenagers!

Yuffie: Exsqueeze me? What do I look like?

Barret: (ignoring her) Now here's a good song that all of us can enjoy!

(Barret pulls the headphones out of the jack, and a familiar sample comes out of the speakers...)

Tifa: Oh no.

Cloud: No.

Aeris: No!

Cid: $#%&!

Cait: Not that! Anything but...

Radio: Na na na na na na! Na na na na na na! Gittin jiggy wit it!

(Barret proceeds to get jiggy wit it)

Yuffie: Gawd! Barret, you're making Vanilla Ice look cool!

Barret: (singing) Na na na na na na!

(Marlene runs in)

Marlene: Papa, you dance like a &%@#ing dork!

Barret: (stops dancing to look at her in shock) Wha? Where'd you learn that word?

(Everyone stares at him)

Barret: Uh... heh heh.

(Cloud takes the opportunity to turn the station)

Radio: Rally round the fam'ly... Witha pocket fulla shells!

Yuffie: He talks like Barret.

Barret: But he ain't even black! Foo!

Tifa, Aeris, Barret, Cid, Cait, and Yuffie: Turn it!

(Cloud changes the station)

Radio: I wanna push you around, and I will, yeah I will..

Cid: This song always makes me think of Shera for some reason...

Tifa, Aeris, Barret, Cid, Cait, and Yuffie: Turn it!

(Cloud changes the station)

Radio: Every night, in my dreams, I see you, I feel you, that is how I know-

Tifa, Barret, Cid, Cait, and Yuffie: TURN IT!

Aeris: Leave it!

(Everyone stares at her in shock)

Aeris: (singing along) Near... far... wherever you are... I believe that the heart does go on...

Yuffie: (whining) C'mon Cloud, change it! This is making me feel sicker than Cid's stupid airship!

Cloud: (scratches head) Uhm... hmm... well...

Aeris: (singing along) Once more, you open the door...

Tifa: What is it, Cloud? Go on, change the station!

Cloud: Well, uh... we're never going to agree on a station, so we might as well leave it here. At least one of us enjoys it.

Aeris: Awww, Cloud, thank you! But, you don't like this song too? It's so pretty!

Cloud: Er, uh, that is, uhm...

Cid: %$@& it! Turn the station! Aeris, everyone hates Celine Dion!

Aeris: (giggles) Oh, Cid, they do not!

Cid: Yes they #%$@ing do! Right everyone?

Barret, Tifa, Cait, and Yuffie: Right!

(Aeris looks at Cloud, waiting)

Cloud: ... Right. Sorry Aeris.

Aeris: Hmmph! Well, I don't hear Red or Vincent complaining.

Cait: Yeah, but that's only because Vincent never talks-

Vincent: ...

Cait: And Red's got his Walkman with the headphones on... Hey, wait a sec.

Tifa: Yeah, what's he listening to?

(Red notices everyone looking at him and gets up)

Red: What did I do? Knock over another lamp with my tail? I've told you all a hundred times, it's not like I can control it.

Aeris: We just were curious, what are you listening to?

Red: Oh. They Might Be Giants.

Cid, Tifa, Cloud, Barret, and Cait: Huh?

Aeris: Who might?

(Yuffie doubles over laughing)

Red: They Might Be Giants. They're really a very good band, really talented... Yuffie, what's so funny?

Yuffie: They're nerd rock!

Red: Are not! They're just intelligent enough to do songs that aren't about sex, angst, and drugs.

Yuffie: Red's a nerd, Red's a nerd!

Red: (growling) They are not a nerdy band!

Vincent: Red's right.

(Everyone stares at Vincent)

Vincent: They Might Be Giants has a lot of talent. Although they do songs that differ from your average run-of-the-mill radio friendly pop, they've still become popular in the college musical circles for their sense of humor and intellectual lyrics, and have even had a few mainstream hits, such as Birdhouse in Your Soul, off their 1990 album, Flood.

Cait: He... he talked!

Yuffie: Yeah, and now he won't shut up. Go fig.

Red: You're a TMBG fan too, Vincent? Cool. I'm listening to Flood right now, actually.

Vincent: Great! I think these guys need to hear it.

Cloud: Why not, there's only crap on the radio.

(Aeris pouts)

(Vincent flips open the tape player and puts in Red's tape)

Vincent: Goody! Istanbul! (singing) So take me back to Constantinople-

Red: (singing) No you can't go back to Constantinople-

Yuffie: Uhm... does this seem just plain WRONG to anyone else?

Red and Vincent: (singing) Been a long time gone, Constantinople - why did Constantinople get the works? That's nobody's business but the Turks....

(Tseng, Reno, and Rude step through the door)

Tseng: That's right. It's Turk business.

Cid: What the &$%@?

(Elena comes in behind the rest of them)

Elena: He said it's none of your business! So butt out before we have to kill you!

Reno: Nice of you to show up, Elena. Where were you?

(Elena looks embarrassed)

Reno: You weren't out buying shoes again, were you?

Elena: Sundays are so boring! And the shoe store was open late cause they were having a sale. And they had these great little purple boots-

Tseng: Elena...

Elena: (stops complaining and looks up at him with puppydog eyes) Yes, Tseng-san?

Tseng: (momentarily confused) Uhmmm...

Reno: What he's trying to say is, you're a Turk.

Elena: And you're a jerk!

Reno: What? How can you say that? Chicks dig me!

Elena: I'm fed up with your crap, Reno. Let's see if chicks dig you after this!

(Elena kicks Reno in the groin, and he doubles over in pain)

Tseng: (snapping back to himself) Elena! What was that about? You need to start acting professional.

Elena: Oh, I'm sorry Tseng-san... hey, wait! Like Reno and Rude act professional? They just go drinking all the time and talk about who they like!

Tseng: She has a point. Reno, Rude, what do you have to say for yourselves?

Reno: (still doubled over) Mommy...

Tseng: Well? Rude? ..... Rude?

Rude: Uhhh...

(Rude falls over and passes out, clutching a bottle very cleverly hidden in a paper bag)

Tseng: Gee... Maybe you're right. Sorry about that, Elena!

Elena: (grinning really big) Oh! No problem, Tseng-san!

Tseng: Now, about Constantinople...

Barret: What the #@$& you talkin' about?

Red: It's only a song.

Elena: Wrong! President Rufus has plans to build another city like Midgar up by the crater, since it's got so much Mako energy there, and it's going to be called Istanbul, and if you guys get in the way, there's gonna be big trouble!

Tseng: Elena! You stupid &#$%, you went and told AVALANCHE all Shinra's plans again!

Elena: Oops...

Tseng: Grr... We'd better get back and report to Rufus so he can be ready. You're lucky Reno and Rude are disabled, or we'd kick your sorry butts right now.

(Tseng and Elena roll Rude out the door, and Reno hobbles after them)

Aeris: Another city like Midgar? But that'll hurt the planet!

Barret: So we go blow it up. No problem.

Cloud: So, everyone wanna mosey?

Cid: $#&@! Stop saying that, it's wussy!

Cloud: Whatever. (shrugs) So, who's coming?

(No sound in the room, aside from the TMBG tape)

Cloud: Uhm.. Barret?

Barret: I dunno, it's Sunday.

Cloud: Red?

Red: I'm enjoying the music.

Cloud: Aeris?

Aeris: I'm kinda getting into This Must Be Giants too.

Tifa: Is it a good idea to leave it playing? I mean, it made the Turks show up.

Vincent: Oh, okay, we'll put on a different album... Hey Red, do you have Apollo 18?

Red: Of course, stick it in.

(Vincent switches tapes and hits the play button)

Vincent: (singing along) Someday Mother will die, and I'll get the money....

(A sudden flash of light makes them all shield their eyes)

Cloud: Ugh...

Cait: Huh?

Cid and Barret: $#&@!

Aeris: Eek! Sephiroth!

Sephiroth: (hovering in the center of the room with outstretched arms) Ha ha ha! Did I hear you threatening Mother? You stupid humans...

Tifa: Brilliant choice of music, guys. First it brings the Turks, then-

(Tseng, Reno, Rude, and Elena burst in the door again)

Tseng: Don't start with us again, or I'll...

Elena: Uhm, Tseng-san...

Reno: Oh, $#&%! Sephiroth!

Tseng: Ahhhh, I see you're busy now, we'll come back later.

(The Turks all run for their lives)

Sephiroth: Ha ha ha ha! Now - you will all pay for... (raises the Masamune threateningly, then pauses) Are you listening to They Might Be Giants?

Aeris: Uh.. No! We're listening to Celine Dion! See? (flips off the tape)

Radio: Near... far... wherever you are...

Aeris: (in a very soothing, calming, and... basically patronizing voice) See? Nice, pretty, peaceful romaaaaantic music.

(Sephiroth stabs her, everyone stares at him in horror)

Sephiroth: Sorry, but Celine Dion sucks, and so does Titanic. (glares menacingly at everyone) Don't you all think so?

Tifa: Uh, yeah! I agree! Yep!

Barret: %@#$ right!

Yuffie: Whew! Don't even get me started on Dicaprio!

Sephiroth: Good. (turns the tape player back on, begins singing along) Son I am able, she said, though you scare me, watch, said I... (notices everyone staring at him) Is there some kind of problem?

Cloud: You... you killed Aeris.

Sephiroth: Don't be sad. She has returned to the planet.

Cloud: (sniffling) Aeris will never cry again, or be happy, or get angry, or sing along with Celine Dion... (scratches his head) Hey... that's a good thing.

Sephiroth: Indeed. Now shut up and sing! (points the Masamune at AVALANCHE)

Everyone: (singing along) Man o nam...