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Chapter Ten The next thing Kain sensed, hours later, was someone holding his hand. Rosa, he thought dreamily. Rosa loved him now, because he'd avenged her father... Rosa was holding his hand. Gradually he began to sense other things around him - lowered voices, the smell of burning torches, and the feel of something warm and soft around him. Then, with a start, he realized that the hand holding his was larger than hers, and the grip firmer. Forcing his eyes to open, he recognized his own quarters in the castle. He could hear Rosa's voice somewhere, but when he turned his head, it was Cecil who sat in a chair beside his bed, looking off towards the sound of her voice. The memories returned to him, and he pulled his hand away, feeling a sudden surge of anger. The movement caught Cecil's attention, and he looked back at Kain, smiling. "You're awake - good. We were all worried." "He's awake? Oh, Kain!" Rosa's voice cried, and she rushed over to his bedside. Slipping her arms around him carefully, she hugged him tightly. "Thank you so much for what you did - you nearly got killed for my father's sake!" As she pulled back, Cecil put an arm around her waist, and the two of them smiled at each other before turning back to Kain. "Yes, I... I don't even know what to say," Cecil told him. "I was certain you'd either come to your senses and return, or be killed." Kain turned his face against the wall, unable to bear the sight of them. "I wish I had died," he whispered. It would have been much better than returning to find her in Cecil's embrace. "It'll pass," another voice spoke up, and they all turned to see Baigan standing in the doorway. "With some young men," the Captain explained, "the thrill of battle makes them feel more alive than anything else in the world. Even more so than - if you'll excuse me," he said with a slightly apologetic shrug to Rosa, "than the love of a woman, in fact. When the fight is won, and that euphoria vanishes, they often fall into a temporary depression. It will be gone soon, Kain, and I promise you, you will feel more of that euphoria in the years to come." Baigan smiled a charming smile. "Mind if I come in?" Kain shook his head. Baigan didn't understand at all, and Kain didn't particularly feel like listening to his congratulations at the moment, but the sooner this was all over with, the sooner they would all leave him alone. "Cecil, Rosa," Baigan nodded, acknowledging them as he entered. "I'm sorry to hear about your father, Rosa. He was a good man, we'll miss his presence." "Thank you, Captain," Rosa murmured, her eyes downcast. "It's good that he and the others were so swiftly avenged," Baigan continued, addressing Kain. "You did a remarkable thing - and a very dangerous thing. You had no one's permission to do this alone, or even at all." "Sorry," Kain muttered. And that was the truth - if he hadn't gone out into the woods, if he'd stayed with Rosa... then maybe... "I'm glad to see you can admit to acting out of line," Baigan noted. "It shows you have discipline as well as bravery, and makes me feel far more confident about the king's decision." Kain looked at him curiously, as Baigan sat down in the chair Cecil had occupied. "You see, when he heard about your deed, he requested I come and speak to you again on this matter. You and I both know that the Royal Guard, despite being a prestigous position, is largely pointless. The king and I agreed that your obvious skill is wasted here when you could be on the forefront, fighting for Baron. We're willing to overlook this breach of protocol, if you would join Cecil in training for the Dark Knights." Not this again... Kain sighed, turning his face to the wall once more. As if it wasn't bad enough that Rosa was lost to him, the king and Baigan were resorting to offering incentives just to get him to give up his dream? "I'm sorry," he told the Captain, "but no. I will become a Dragoon someday... and I would not run away from the consequences of my actions either," he added. "Do with me whatever you think is appropriate." "Hmm." Baigan paused. "Then... I guess I have no other choice." Kain turned back to him emotionlessly, waiting to hear what his punishment would be, but Baigan smiled. "Kain, when you've recovered, report to Davan Skie." "Davan... Skie...?" Kain repeated in disbelief. Skie was the officer in charge of new admissions for the Dragoons. "You mean..." Baigan nodded. "Skill such as yours is rare, and during this time of war, we must make use of it in whatever way we can, protocol or no protocol. Your formal induction will be in two weeks time, but as of this moment, you are Dragoon Kain Highwind." Kain stared at him, scarcely remembering how to breathe. Of all the things he'd expected, this possibility had never entered his mind. "Th... thank you," he managed to say. "I'm glad to be the one to tell you," Baigan said, standing. "I'll leave you to rest and recuperate now, if that's all right. I suppose this means I'm not your captain anymore," he added with a shrug. "You will be missed, but I know you'll make the Dragoons proud." Kain nodded as Baigan left, unwilling to speak. His emotions were a baffling mix of pride, triumph, frustration, and depression now, and he had no idea what he would say if he opened his mouth. Especially when Cecil returned to his place by Kain's bed, grinning widely. "Congratulations!" he exclaimed. "Dragoon Kain... this is incredible!" Rosa had tears in her eyes as she knelt at Kain's bedside. "It is," she agreed. "I'm sorry I can't be happier for you now... but after what happened today..." She wiped her eyes with her sleeve, trying to smile at him, and Kain's heart hurt. She's so good, so unselfish and sweet... "What you did for me was wonderful," she continued tearfully, and I'm so glad that something came out of it for you too - I could never have done enough to show you how grateful I am." You could have, he thought. You could have, but now you won't. Still, he'd at least made her happy... that was worth it, wasn't it? It infuriated him that he wasn't sure. Cecil reached a hand towards her, touching her hair gently, and she glanced back at him as he smiled comfortingly. Kain closed his eyes against the sight. It's just not fair... "Kain?" Cecil said hesitantly. "You don't look so good. Should I go get one of the white wizards again?" Kain just shook his head, his eyes still closed. "I... just need some time alone," he muttered. "Are you sure?" Cecil asked. "I know a lot has happened today, you must have a lot to think about, but we're your friends. We'd like to-" "Cecil," Rosa spoke up reluctantly, "maybe he really does just need some time alone. He's not just like you are... Come on, he should be resting anyway." His eyes were still closed as the two of them said goodbye, and he heard their footsteps as they approached the door. Rosa's paused for a moment, and Kain could picture her in his mind without his eyes to tell him she was smiling at him. "Thank you again," she said softly. "Thank you too," he replied. She was so wonderful... She understood his need to be alone, something no one else had ever done. Or was it just that she was more interested in spending time alone with Cecil than she was concerned about him, he wondered with sudden bitterness. When they'd gone, Kain opened his eyes again, and they fell on his father's suit of plate mail standing in the corner - his armor now, he realized. His head spun as he sat up, and he waited a moment before he attempted to stand up. The torchlight gleamed on the polished armor, glinting off the winged helmet as Kain ran his fingers over the smooth metal. It should have been the happiest day of his life, he knew that, but he couldn't help but be painfully aware that it could have been twice as happy in only Cecil hadn't... Kain sunk to his knees, making a sound that could have been either a laugh or a sob. Maybe it was both, he thought as he stared up at the plate armor. "Father..." he whispered. "How can I be worthy of your armor, of the Dragoons, when I... I can't even be happy now? When this... tears me apart?" Lowering his head, his father's words came to him again. "Being a Dragoon isn't all glory and shining armor - it means you have to be hard, tough... sometimes it means you have to see and do things you hate with all your heart, and never let on how it eats you up inside." Kain swallowed hard, wiping his eyes to rid them of the tears. There will be no more, he vowed silently. © 1999 by Andrea Hartmann. |
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